Pregnant versus Fat, which is better?

While we’ve been stressing about being chubby dumpling people all day, girls everywhere are getting fat on purpose! That’s right, not only did Jamie Lynn have her baby Maddie today, but 17 girls in a Massachusetts fishing town got knocked up...on purpose….in a pact. Some people want to blame Juno and Knocked Up, so to appease them, I’m working on my screenplay tentatively called, Thank God for Abortions and the Morning After Pill and Moralists Who Hate Movies for “Glamorizing” Unwed Mothers. I like babies, they have tiny appendages and fart a lot. That’s not what my movie is about though. It’s about what really happens and why people should shut up and teach birth control in schools cause if there’s one thing I know about teenagers, it’s that they like doing it and no amount of God-fearing will be able to change that. Fun fact: it’s illegal not to serve a pregnant woman alcohol when they want it because it’s their choice.