Wet & Wildin’: Missbehave’s Guide to Promiscuity

Words: Olivia Allin ET. AL.

Photos: Brooke Nipar

Style: Rose Garcia

Winter is garbage. Christmas presents are fun, but trudging in Timbs, enfolded in an amorphous bubble goose for 5 months out of the year is insufferable. So when snow melts, pollen thickens the air, and you’ve sloughed off 17 lbs in dead skin, cuticle meat, and unwanted hair, you start to notice them noticing you. Them being The Boys. Screw love. Ass is in the air. When you’re looking to get flings flung, summer’s the best time to do it. It’s not that we fear commitment or eschew relationships, it’s just that keeping boyfriends happy is So. Much. Work. And besides, nothing carries you through seasonal depression, rickets, and the holiday version of your family like reveries of the supple, indiscriminant man flesh you slayed all summer long. Protect ya neck/vagina. Here’s our guide to happy safe fun times.

FLEE!

5 TACTICS TO NOT SPEND THE NIGHT

It’s a damn myth that all girls want to stick around, cuddle, and have breakfast the next morning. Chatting and canoodling is way too much work and we can barely make time to brunch with our real friends. When you’ve gotten off his sweaty physique, sticky with guilt and exhaustion, you have mere minutes to get out of there. Otherwise, you’ll be forced to endure conversation and insufferable questions about “who you are” and what “they do.”Blorg. 

HERE’ S HOW BEST TO BOLT:

5. He’s already helped himself to your toothbrush, talked about how he’s gonna “pick you up a tube of Tom’s of Maine ’cause it’s just ‘better,’” and has snuggled in, clearly assuming he’ll be there ’til sun-up. This is a good time to call your gays over. Hang out on the bed, loudly chatting about discotheques, hemorrhoids, and homosexual stereotypes until he wakes up. Offer him a foursome. When he flees, accuse him of playa hatin’and throw your toothbrush at him.

4. You’ve woken up on (gasp) black silk sheets and a hairy sweaty mass is snoring next to you. Oh crap, you’ve done it again. Your goal is to slide out of bed, sneak out the door, and get the hell home. Always have two multi-borough car service numbers and $40 on hand. They tend to be more expensive, but you’ll need one with a GPS system to decipher the street address you’ve whispered off his Robb Report subscription.

3. When he’s leisurely leafing through your library, discussing Kafka while in the nude, you know you’ve made a grievous mistake. Start crying. Loudly. With gusto. Crying confuses them. Then, complain bitterly about how you can’t have another dumpster baby so soon. He’ll reach for his socks before you can say shmashmortion.

2. He’s bouncing like a bunny on cocaine and wants to talk about your “future.” Double bail. If all that hyperactivity is giving you motion sickness, harness the vomit and have at it. It’s gross but highly effective. Plus, if you’re a bulimic or a recovering one, muscle memory will take you 3/4 of the way there. Projectile, and then project yourself into a car after you’ve faked sheepishness and gargled.

1. He’s asleep and you don’t want him to see your smeared bologna face in the morning ’cause (horror) you actually like him and had a good time. Shimmy into your clothes, scrawl your digits on a piece of paper and leave it on his bedside table before inching towards his door, changing your mind, racing back to crumple it up, and leaving because, well, you couldn’t stand the disappointment if the fucker doesn’t call and you’ve already ruined it since he thinks you’re a complete slut. Oh God, and he’s right. Go home and eat all your roommate’s food.—Olivia Allin

FREE YOUR MIND

WELCOME TO THE NO DOME ZONE

You met some dude. He is sorta hot. You leave the bar with him. Who are we to judge? When you get to a more secluded location, he begins to woo you by inching upwards and insistently nudging your head south. You realize what he thinks is about to happen. High school parties in the woods flash before your eyes. You remember what Zima tastes like. You remember what guys taste like after they’ve been drinking Zima. You worry this guy won’t like you anymore or think you’re interesting or cute. 

Then, you remember you’re not some drunk teen, you just wanted to get laid ’cause you were bored and wore a cute dress, and you don’t really care what this dude thinks and you’re not really in the mood to throat his bone. 

HERE’S HOW TO DECLINE POLITELY:

5. Offer a handjob. See our guide if you’ve forgotten what one is. 4. Tell him you have acid reflux and that if you deep throat, he’ll lose length. 3. Tell him you’re doing Comic Con and your teeth are sharpened for your lycan costume. 2. Tell him you’re violently allergic to pre-cum and that anaphylactic shock causes you to bite down as your throat closes. Tell him it’s tragic ’cause you’re not actually allergic to regular semen. 1. Occupy his penis.
Have sex.—Sarah Morrison.

 

HOLD ALL CALLS

 
VUMBER NUMBER RULES

You know when you meet a guy, he’s adorable, plies you with booze, and gets your digits? 24 hours later, you’ve had sex with him, he was mediocre, made nostril noises, and had a miniscule peniscule? Cut to 36 hours later, and he’s called you 27 times asking how “wifey” is doing, and then screamcrying about how you’re such a WHORE and why won’t you just fuckin’pick up?!!! Oy. 

Never suffer fallout again! Don’t change your number, give him your Vumber! Vumber is a fake number that calls your phone directly but allows you to give them a busy signal, play an ‘out of service’ message or leave a message in your VumberMail. This is perfect for those super scary dudes who “try out” the number in front of you wanting to catch you in the lie so they can punch you in the face for “testing”them. Psychos.

My Vumber plays the theme song to “Golden Girls,” ’cause it’s about honesty and loyalty. With Vumber you’ll never have to change your number, delete your MySpace, or dead your friends/coworkers over a guy ever again! Let that meathead buy you six top-shelf drinks ’cause when he calls, your VumberMail will tell him you’ve emigrated to Lagos. Obrigado! Get mansurance at Vumber.com for $9.99 per month.—Olivia Allin

PALM PILOT

RETURN OF THE WANK

Remember the good old days when inserting a tampon required a foot on the toilet and a line-drawn diagram of a cross-sectioned vagina? That was foreskin and twenty years ago, when dudes were so amenable that a half-hearted handjob was met with gratitude. GRATITUDE! Thing is, with prolonged exposure to the worldwide web, these same sweet boys have undergone a transformation. They’re become increasingly desensitized and depraved. Four words: Two Girls, One Cup. Here’s a thought: STOP CARING! If you don’t want to sleep with them, offer them a handjob or offer them nothing. Make them work towards a blowjob. Head’s so annoying to do, especially when you’ve just eaten your entire plateful of Mexican and three baskets of delicious chips.  

Do give a good handjob, though. And yes, there is such a thing. Despite most of us having learned how from a clueless middle school slutlet, there is much more to a monkey spank than you’d suspect. First, you must lube. Don’t hock into your palm like you’re making a turn-of-the-century wager. In fact, saliva will just remind them that they’re salty about not getting head. Mineral oil is great because a lot of lubes dry and get sticky. Use both hands. With a warm hand, cup their sack and with the other sufficiently slippery hand, start at the base and smoothly pull the dong towards you—as if you’re getting into a staring match with his pee hole. At the same time, slide your hand upwards on the shaft, rhythmically making the motion of a small circle. Sorta like if your fist was riding a Ferris wheel. Do all of this in fluid motions with as much surface area of your hand stroking his length as possible. Don’t choke it though. 

If you keep that up whilst kissing him and just being your hot self, he’ll bust and be happy. But after a while, if nothing’s happened, his soldier’s surrendering, and he’s gently removing your hand while thanking you, know that you haven’t failed. You’ve WON. You got a meal, some drinks, 63 compliments, and didn’t have to put out! High five! Later sucka!—Mary H.K. Choi

MAN UP

MEASURE IT THE MISSBEHAVE WAY.

When you haul a man sufficient in goodlookingness and lacking in retardedness enough to have sex with, it’s a blessing. Especially when looking to get summarily stabbed in your womb area. Some people do group therapy to workshop. Others don’t. So when fate bestows such beneficence as to make said man pack heat in the dick dept., it’s like some cosmic boner boon. It’s stupendous. It’s the only time I cry. 

I wish I could know before puddling pants around ankles, whether he’s armed with a truncheon or a pith helmet with testicles for feet. Unfortunately, they use retina scans for stupid shit like national security, but even that’s putting the cart before the horse. First, we have to calibrate the correct manner in which to measure the penis. Metric’s the way to go. It’s more exacting and I’m a diplomat groupie. The foreign kind. Not the Uptown kind. Circumference counts because girth is king, BUT length is important. As we all know, nubbin dicks discount even the fattest of paychecks. 

Erect members should only be measured from the exposed shaft. We must prevent the scourge of assholes who start the measuring tape deep into the microfolds of scrote. I understand that a dick’s like a tree and that there are roots, but sneaky bastards who wink at the brown eye and count from grundle are liars. Hand any guy a measuring tape and see where they start. The further they stray from the actual portion of meat that gets injected, the more insufferably vainglorious and misguided they’re likely to be. It’s a useful test. Sorta like a polygraph that you don’t have to beej law enforcement officials to play with.—Mary H.K. Choi

GLASS MENAGERIE

MOVING UP TO THREESIES.

I would like to preface this article with a disclaimer: threesomes are for sluts. And they’re difficult to orchestrate and loaded with potential disaster bombs. But when you get it right, it’s basically the best time ever. Missbehave happens to be very openminded about sex. It is hilarious. There’s sweat, hair, indistinguishable noises and curious smells. Adding another member increases this awkwardness by approximately 78.2 percent. This requires self-awareness and dialogue from involved parties. In my case, it requires a whole bunch of booze. Obviously, if you do imbibe, drink until you are fun and relaxed, not flaccid and puking. And if you’re going to cajole a wasted party into a threesome, know that this is wholly irresponsible, that you’re completely taking advantage of them, and that they might be pissed when they wake up. Kidding. Raping unconscious people is sucky and exclusively for amateurs.

THE RULES

There are several types of threesomes: MFM, FMF, MMM, and FFF. Note how I arranged the sexualities like a sandwich. A delicious love sandwich. I will talk about MFM and FMF, ’cause outside of porn, we haven’t a clue about the others. MFM and FMF can be enjoyed among friends, couples, exes, acquaintances, and even strangers. Any combination of these makes a fantastic ménage à trois, if properly executed. 

The key to a successful threesome is balance. This is tricky in such an uneven dynamic. The moment a person feels cut off from the act (allowing body paranoia/intimacy/abandonment issues to run wild), is the moment self-consciousness enters. Self-consciousness is bad in twosomes, but particularly dangerous in threesomes because in order to maneuver into the awkward positions that may be required of you, you’re gonna be viewed in some super unflattering angles. The second one person feels that the other two are more into each other, all magic dissipates. It’s important to lay ground rules before hand. Decide what everyone is ok with—oral? Anal? Digital? No intercourse? No kissing? Bondage? Munging (not the e-mail kind)? You want everyone to know these guidelines—if someone is Christian and saving their virginity, for example, you may only be able to penetrate anally. Their hymen walks with the Lord.

Group sex is still sex. And sometimes it involves people who are even sluttier than you (pas possible!) and/or people you don’t know very well. This is a good time to figure out what the hell a dental dam is. Condoms too. Use lots of them in a 1:1 usage ratio. And lube. And maybe a hazmat suit. Plus, no shifting of bodily fluids when avoidable. Use separate hands for separate people. STDs are everywhere and one in five people have genital herpes. You know how much herpes that is? A lot. And the odds go up with the body count. That’s the funny thing about math.  

While you’re crunching numbers, set up a term limit. It’s really annoying when you’ve hunkered down to some delicious Kettle Corn to find two greased up, banana hammock clad dudes ready for your new Sunday night ritual. Let them know if it’s a one-time thing. Plus, people who are really superb sexually (like myself) have to be wary of stalkers. Get a Taser to discourage them. 

THREESOME TYPES:

Ground rules will be thwarted if you invite the wrong personalities—there’s more to enlistment than cup size or chutzpah. Here’s who to boot or recruit for your triangle of love: 

The Bailer: This person joins ’cause they’re jonesing for one member of the party. This bites because then he/she will try to monopolize that person and ignore the other. And then I have to kill him/her. Once they figure out that monosex is not an option, they will bail, which sucks especially when you already went to the party store for nonrefundable festive hats. Even worse is when the bailer succeeds in lassoing their crush—leaving the odd one assed out. Quite literally. 

Dirtbag Boyfriend: This is the manboy genius who discovered the loophole to being faithful is group sex. He just really wants to see his “baby” touch another girl ’cause it’s so “hot.” If guys want their straight girlfriends to finger bang, they should be willing to touch another’s wang. It’s only fair. Granted, women are naturally a little lez-ish, but love is about give and take. If you’re the third party, you should anticipate DRAMA. He may try to start an affair with you because the deed’s already been done. Plus if you’re the idiot girlfriend who invited your way hotter bestie to get naked, good luck staying friends with her. 

Couples in general: Watching your boo boning someone else can be really hard. You have to either be super-secure in the relationship, crazy liberal, that bored, or essentially broken up but still attracted to each other.  Be prepared that this could be the death of your relationship. The jealousy and flashbacks (which also applies to people you see regularly…don’t do it with co-workers, moron) will open a delightful Pandora’s box of psychoses. Do not do it with someone you truly love, unless you’re absolutely sure. Especially if you’ve ever been jealous. It is hard enough keeping cheaters in line without wafting temptation (other vagina) in their face. It’s toxic to intimacy and future communication if your beau is hardcore into the coquettish blonde he’s teabagging. This is why I advocate just enough inebriation to think you’re hot shit so that you’ll want to turn a girl out instead of throwing her out and beating her senseless against the curb. 

Guest Star: Like a cameo performance, the guest might get to be that prince/ss who is showered with affection by a couple. Bravo. Enjoy it while you can. This is for healthy couples to tag-team a hottie and eat ice cream and bond afterwards watching “The Hills” on DVR. As a rule, when I’m the couple, I don’t allow females more attractive than myself. That’s also why all of my friends are fat. In bed (and in life) they make you feel really good about yourself.

Ringleader: This is the most important role, as threesome conscription is taxing. This person must be charismatic, manipulative, and must make a threesome sound like the most amazing idea EVER! My favorite partner in crime could probably get Benedict XVI and an octogenarian nun with impetigo to engage (in the biblical sense). If you lack such a person in your life, fake it, find one at a Neil Strauss convention, or just bang some dirty hippies who need no more convincing than a gravity bong. If you and a friend (neither of whom are the Ringleader type) just need a third, use teamwork—you can combine your talents and attractiveness to score someone out of your league. Synergize! The Ringleader should also be the one who monitors the threesome, they’re like the omniscient father of the trinity who knows to use the safe word when blood’s about to be spilled…unless you’re into that. Freak.

TITC (Trapped in the Closet): Lots of straight women are bi-curious. I know this ’cause I’ve made out with scads of them. The ornamental dude in the room prevents them from appearing a dyke whilst muff diving. Same goes for guys in MFM threesomes, but in my experience, fewer guys are genuinely bisexual. They either get fuhreaked touching each other (other than to high five that they’re banging the same chick) or they jeté out, completely naked save a Cher-inspired headdress, and fall into a guys’sphincter, never to return to vadge. There is nothing wrong with inviting closeted folk. Some of my best friends are frustrated fucks who will never be happy or free. But do keep in mind that a closeted guy will probably be intermittently grossed out by an FMF threesome. A lot of gayish guys sincerely believe that vaginas are dirty and have teeth and will be shocked to find that this is absolutely true. 

Hopefully, by using this guide you’ve mastered the Zen of menagerie maintenance. Even with these tips, know that no matter how successful your trio was at coming together, things are bound to be at least a little awkward after. I recommend the group hug: it’s good for morale and it’s quick. Then I recommend going home, taking a rape shower with all your clothes on, and thinking about what you’ve done. ’Cause you’re going to hell. Not really. Maybe.—Olivia Allin

 

I’M RUBBER, YOU’RE GLUE

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT STDS 

More than 35 percent of us have gone unprotected without knowing our partner’s sexual history. Excellent idea, since it’s much easier for women to contract diseases because of our anatomy. Stupid mucous membranes. Early humans from the ’80s and ’90s wore condoms because of HIV. Well, it’s 2008, and with the medley of protease inhibitors available to me and my extensive Missbehave health coverage, AIDS is very, very scary but not an immediate death threat. Magic Johnson looks great and “South Park” agrees/beat us to the punch. But lo, the Internet tells me that people are still dying. President Bush spent $300 million to teach abstinence until marriage. And everyone knows abstinence is totally effective and that when you’re married it’s anatomically impossible to have sex with non-spouse people. It’s like a lama trying to penetrate a jellyfish. So why has the worldwide HIV population increased from around 8 million in 1990 to 33.2 million in 2007? 

Since some of our readers might live in Red States or attend parochial schools, and (thanks to the President) might not know better than to slather Neosporin on a vaginal wart, here’s a quick rundown of STDs which are tragically very much still in existence and particularly dangerous to young girls. 

Pubic Lice (Crabs). Not a biggie: gross, but mostly around for comedic value. If you’re itchy and see the little guys (yes, they’re visible to the eye), you have pubic lice, which can be cured with lice shampoo like RID Lice Elimination Kit, $21.81. 

Chlamydia (Clams), Gonorrhea (The Clap), and Syphilis (The Pox). All are treatable with antibiotics if you catch ’em early—otherwise, they can lead to infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease, vulnerability to HIV, and death from Syphilis (if untreated). If you don’t have health insurance, find a free testing clinic at hivtest.org or go to your closest Planned Parenthood (plannedparenthood.org), where you will never be turned away for being broke and services are charged based on a sliding scale of your income. 

HPV (Not HIV). Who knew that HPV existed before those “one less” commercials with the double-dutch popped up? Well, HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection and can be either low-risk or high-risk. Low-risk causes genital warts and high risk causes cancer (including cancer of the ass!). There is no treatment for the HPV virus itself, but there is a vaccine called Gardasil to prevent contracting it if you’re exposed. Some locations of Planned Parenthood offer the vaccine, otherwise you’ll need to go to a doctor. Problem is, the vaccine is $360 for three shots and health insurance companies are being HUGE bitches about covering it because they don’t care about women. 

Herpes (Speed Bumps). Comes in two flavors, HSV-1, which is usually oral, and HSV-2, which produces genital herpes. The herp never goes away, and nearly 80 percent of American adults have oral herpes…so you’ll prolly get it. Do not, as obvious as it sounds, give or receive oral when you’re cold-soreing, ’cause oral can turn into genital. Change pillowcases and towels religiously if you have them. There is no cure, but there are several antiviral medications like Valtrex, which can help control outbreaks. 

HIV/AIDS (The High Five/The Monster). Approximately 40,000 new HIV/AIDS infections occur in the United States each year—half of those people are under 25 years old. Young women having heterosexual sex are increasingly at risk, African-American women are especially at risk and are as much as seven times more likely than white women, and eight times more likely than Hispanic women, to be HIV-positive. One in five HIV-positive women in the US do not have health insurance. 

Babies (Babies). Temporary condition. But like retroviruses, they often mutate to worse things like children or teens. Those afflicted with Catholicism or strict moral upbringings are immunodeficient and have an aversion to prophylactic vaccines. 

You’re the one in charge, so know what’s ailing you.Corral friends and hit up free clinics for tests, bring chocolate and pepper spray. Have you seen the diseased, poverty-stricken freaks at those places? If you are HIV-positive, have a low income, and don’t have health insurance, The Access Project can help you to receive drugs and services, atdn.org/access.—Olivia Allin

UTERUS BY US  

EXPLORING CONTRACEPTION

Birth control sucks. Condoms feel like crap and you have to try out a bajillion different types of Pill before you find one that makes you only sorta crazy. Here are the rules to live by: if it’s the first time, use a condom. Period. He could lose wood. This could piss you off. But you just have to. If you like him enough and/or the sex was excellent enough that you’re allowing him to service you habitually, make sure to both get tested. As conversations go, there are probably seventy-odd topics you’d rather discuss with a virtual stranger, but suck it up and be grown about it. Once you’ve done that and you want to explore stuff other than the pill and the rubber, here are some options. We even talked to a professional and everything. 

The NuvaRing is a small pliable ring inserted once a month, left in for 3 weeks, and taken out for one while you bleed. The hormones can prevent acne and make your boobs grow. Many of us have been on the NuvaRing and the duration of the first three weeks is spent either crying or fantasizing about murder. You do normalize though. You can even take it out during sex, but most girls report they don’t even feel it and it doesn’t bother their partner. Failure rate for perfect use is 1 percent and if it falls out, you have up to 3 hours to replace it. Cost is around $20 with health insurance and without it, it’s like 60 bucks. Really bootleg insurance doesn’t cover it at all, so you’re better off faxing your prescription to a Canadian pharmacy and getting them overnighted to you for $33.33 per ring if you buy them in threes. Oh, and keep them in the fridge, since they need to be kept cool. 

The Patch (Ortho Evra) is a beige patch you can stick on your butt, stomach, or upper arm/torso. Like the ring, it’s kept on for 3 weeks, and removed for the 4th, holding similar benefits. Reported risks seem worse however, because the patch has more access to the blood stream. It has been linked to strokes. Our expert, Billings Clinic OBGYN Alice Wong, says stay away from them if you smoke. Cost with health insurance is $30-35. The gross part is that it’s like having a band-aid on your body for a month. They get really dirty and it’s like wearing your slut on your sleeve. 

IUDs (Inauterine devices) get a bad rap. Mostly cause in the seventies there was the Dalkon Shield, the first IUD ever, and the first to be recalled ’cause it KILLED 12 women. Since then, IUDs have become the most widely used form of reversible birth control in the world. They’re flexible plastic T-shaped thingies that are inserted in the uterus with two weird strings that hang down (like a tampon), so you can feel to make sure it’s still up there safe and sound. There are two kinds, Paragard (the copper one) which is effective for 10 years and is cool because it uses the natural phenomenon of copper freezing sperm dead in their tracks, and Mirena (with hormones) which is effective for 5. 

A lot of gynos won’t prescribe IUDs for women who’ve yet to give birth since their uteri are smaller. This makes it more likely that they’ll expel the IUD (as much as 7 percent of IUDs are expelled within the first year, mostly within the first couple months). Our expert Dr. Wong mostly uses them for chicks who’ve completed child bearing or aren’t planning on having kids for years. But some of our friends have had them inserted (and truth be told, some of them expelled them almost immediately) and love them because they don’t want to think about having children for at least a decade. Mirena is better for women who bleed heavily, because it decreases their flow. Paragard is non-hormonal, but on the down side, it’s likely to increase the blood flow and cause wicked bad cramps. The rate of effectiveness is 99-98 percent. Cost is about $1000, which includes placement and removal. 

The shot (Depo Provera), which only releases progestin (better for smokers) lasts 3 months. Dr. Wong confirms that after 5 years of injecting, there’s a risk for Osteoporosis, but it should go away after you stop getting it. The quarterly shot can be procured at a Planned Parenthood for $35-75 each. One of our friends got it and put on 30 pounds. No joke. But then another friend of ours swears by it and is spitefully trim, so it all depends on your chemical makeup.

Plan B, or the morning-after pill, or Emergency Contraception is not RU-486 or the “abortion pill” and is basically like a really strong dose of the regular birth control pill. In fact, several different brands of regular pills can be used for emergency contraception (there’s a great chart on ec.princeton.edu for correct dosage). Up to 120 hours after sex, you take the first dose. 12 hours later, you take the second dose. The earlier you take both, the more effective the EC will be. If you’re over 18 years old, you can get Plan B without a prescription. You can even walk into a Planned Parenthood and get them for $40 without waiting around, filling out paperwork, or dealing with any hassle. You just have to flash your ID. It might be a good idea to have Plan B in your dresser drawer just in case of holidays. And yes, Plan B can make you sick as a dog so try not to puke the pills up.

Birth control is very costly, and tons of girls don’t have health insurance. The best thing to do in this case is to go to a local family planning center or a Planned Parenthood. Both offer public health insurance or services based on a sliding scale of what you make. The average Missbehave Editorial Intern, for example, will get hooked the fuck up. Public health centers offer subsidized contraception, so it’s possible to get an IUD for $300 or $400 and the other methods starting at next to nothing. While Planned Parenthood offers prescriptions, the only service they provide is the shot and tons of free condoms every time you go. Which brings us to this: Don’t forget that only condoms prevent forest fires. And STDs. Don’t go around thinking or (god forbid) saying, “I’m on the shot!” because that really clean, cute boy with the beautiful hair and clear eyes who’s smiling from the bar? He totally has a girlfriend. And the clap. —Alexandra Stielow 

IN SUMMATION

The global average for sex partners is 10.5. The Chinese have more partners than any other nation at 19.3, followed by the Brazilians (no surprise there) with 15.2. The US average is a mere 10.3. The Missbehave employee (all) beat the nation by an impressive margin. We are over achievers. You can be too. 

 

Collage: Bikini top by MISS SIXTY, Shorts by JUDI ROSEN, Bangles by DINOSAUR DESIGNS, Earrings by CUBANNIE LINKS, Shoes by STEVE MADDEN LUXE

Photo 1: Bathing suit by NORMA KAMALI, Shoes by STEVE MADDEN, Bangles by DINOSAUR DESIGNS, Ankle bracelet stylists own.

Photo 2: Shorts by KSUBI, Suspenders by BUCKET BOSS