Issue #7

Amber Heard,Kid Sister, Hugh Laurie and more.

Amber Heard

Actress Amber Heard is hot. She’s also agnostic, fascinated by the death penalty, equally into bowling and libraries, and is going to be a star.

Yasi Tries: Wooing Michael Cera

Yasi stalks Michael Cera!

I’m from Harlem. I remember being in high school and hopping on the 2 or 3 train or maybe the A and D and seeing all the leathers, sheepskins, colors; those simple first things that attract you to a man. The way he looks, his style, his swagger. I’m putting a spotlight on Harlem because that’s my home but no one is exempt. The long, and I mean extra long, white or God forbid, that horrifying powder-pink tee was an abomination…

INTERVENTION: KIM KARDASHIAN

Kim, I’m worried about you. That I didn’t know who you were until Ray J pissed on you, concerns me. He is not a platinum recording artist or an affluent professional athlete and if his sister Brandy is any indication as to what that gene pool has lurking in its depths, there is a 1: 4 chance that your children will wade out of the womb looking like Jar Jar Binks…

GIMME: NAILS

Brahma was born from a lotus that grew out of my bellybutton. Want to know what it’s like to birth a flower that births a god, who then goes and creates the whole world? Pretty frickin’ extreme! Fuck yeah! I’m a champ and Brahma knows he owes me. Even on some Hindu polytheistic shit, who is there to really compete with? Shiva? Really? Hello? He’s the DESTROYER…

REPRESENT! REPRESENT!

Frida Kahlo and Oscar the Grouch are kindred spirits. This is because eyebrows are the awnings of the windows to the soul. Oscar is best known however, to less artsy folk for inventing the catch phrase “Go away and leave me alone.” Repeated attempts at a trademark were ultimately rejected…

STAR SEARCH: PEGGY NOLAND

Fashion: 1, World Peace: Zip. Suck it World Peace! Indie rockstars have the Peace Corps to thank for passing up on 25-year-old designer Peggy Noland. “They wouldn’t have me,” Noland remembers. “I was supposed to reapply in six months.”Their loss is totally our gain and the snub led the Missouri native to expand her line of brightly colored, totally rad claddings for the masses. Woo hoo…

JESS WEIXLER

Jess Weixler, in person, is not particularly threatening. Seated in her local haunt, Fall Café, the Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, coffee shop she frequents daily, the bubbly 26-year-old is cute and approachable. Her shiny blonde locks befit her warm smile and enthusiastic belly laughs. Yet, the actress…

MY BUDDY

KID SISTER & A- TRAK SITTING IN A TREE

RIDE THE LIGHTNING

SHATTERED BONES, OBLITERATED ORGANS, FISTFULLS OF PAIN PILLS, AND AN UNPARRALLELED ADRENALINE RUSH: MEET THE MASOCHISTIC MEMBERS OF METAL MULISHA.

We’ll Make Great Pets

FURRIES LOVE SWIMSUITS

FASHION: DANCE

BUM RUSH THE SPEAKER THAT BOOMS

FASHION GRAVEYARD: GOODBYE KITTY

We weren’t to know that Kitty was so unhappy. Or that she would adhere so faithfully to draconian Samurai honor codes. To die at her own hand, without thumbs with which to guide the blade, it’s a miracle that she expired at all. We’d confiscated her Katana sword after her most…