ASK MISSBEHAVE
September 26th, 2008 by admin
Dear Missbehave, I’m 18 and I just moved to a brand new city virtually by myself to go to college. Basically, the only family I have here is my dad, but he’s only my dad by blood since he and my mom split up when I was 2 and he basically hasn’t spoken to me for 15 years. So he’s not much of a support system. I left behind my friends,my mom, and my boyfriend, whom I love and miss very much. He and my mom are trying to support me as much as they can but they can only do so much and I’m beginning to think they’re tired of listening to me say the same things over and over. I’m not sure whether or not I’m staying here next year for transferring back to my old state school because it’s cheaper and easier to live there. I’m trying to enjoy this amazing opportunity to really grow up but it’s hard because I have so many things stressing me out and causing me anxiety. I came here with about 1000 dollars, but after buying my books and groceries twice a month, I only have about 500 dollars left. I ended up living in the residence halls and I live in an on-campus apt with three other girls and it’s just an environment that I think is negatively affecting my mental health. I’m so sad and discouraged…I’ve been on Craigslist everyday submitting resumes, but I royally fucked up my first job interview and haven’t had one since. I am determined to get a studio apt of my own by March because some of my friends were planning to visit me for Spring Break and there’s basically no fucking way I would even ask them to stay here…hell I don’t even want to stay here. I have no privacy or anywhere to think…sometimes I sit i my car for hours at a time crying till I get a headache because I just don’t know what to do. All this stress is causing me to cope by eating, which is making me gain weight and that’s making me even unhappier because I already have a poor body image as it is…I thought it would be mature of me to handle my problems without asking anyone for help…but they’re just building up and overwhelming me. Plus all my roommates are from the area so their boyfriends live here and are over a lot…it makes me so sad because it just reminds me that I haven’t been kissed or hugged or even had someone wrap their arm around my shoulder for over two months…and I desperately need to get laid like nobody’s business.Television has pretty much been my best distraction, but I have a roommate that basically never goes to class so I can only watch it like past 8 pm…I want to grow…I think I’m willing to grow, I just don’t see the light at the end of this fucking tunnel. I’m lost, discouraged, overwhelmed, sad, and stressed the fuck out and then I have school on top of that. I guess I’m just asking for advice on how to handle it all, because I really, really can’t.
Hey, not everybody goes away for college! If you would be happier at the state school, you should download the transfer app, make an appointment with your school counselor, and get outta there! Maybe you can even transfer mid-year and go to the state school second semester.
In the mean time, your school may have a counseling department or mentla health services (not just for crazies) you an go to in order to relieve some stress. Try to motivate yourself to get a job so you can get out of the house and save up money to move home!
Part of growing up is learning to take care of yourself so if you’d be happier at the state school, that’s where you should be. Good luck!
I went through this like… every other day when i moved 4 hours away from home for school. I sucked it up, found a new group of friends, and then a new group after that, and somehow managed to balance my sheer hate for Boston citylife, sheer disgust with the vapidity of my fellow students and sheer enthusiasm for being in college/ not at home and I’m graduating in 7 months. im glad i didn’t go home, but i do wonder if i would be enjoying my senior year farr more at a different school.
the fact is, youll never know. talk to your parents, think about your ACADEMIC life and figure it out for yourself. no matter where you are, it will suck sometimes…
Do yourself a favor…. stick it out for the rest of the academic year and focus on getting the best grades humanly possible. If you finish the year, by the time you finish you may discover you actually want to stay. If that’s not the case, at least you can feel like you actually gave it a fair shot and will be confident with your decision.
Also, transferring mid-year may be difficult schedule-wise because some classes you need for your major may only be offered during a certain part of the year. Before you transfer, make sure there are courses at your new school which are “equivalent” to those you already took or else you might find out you have to take a similar course again…or a class you assumed would fulfill a requirement for your major may not be accepted at your new school.
If you make fab grades this year you also may discover you have more negotiating power with the transfer school. If they see you did really well, they may give you more financial aid because they would consider you an asset.
One caveat: if you are still unsure/feel bad about the sitch after one year, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, go back to the state school near your family. It took me until junior year to accept the fact that I pretty much loathed my school and my major and at that point it was as equally unbearable to me to imagine trying to transfer during junior year and have to re-live that “freshman experience” again. Plus, to change majors, I would have had to get on the dreaded 5-year plan and basically start all over again. That would have meant at least 20,000 bucks more and I still would have only received my BA.
Good luck doll. Oh, and get a vibrator.
@akapluto - I went to school in Boston too.
lol… yess. get a fucking vibrator. but i perfected the art of masturbation after a month or two in boston so… dont worry about it
Hey I know what its like. I really do. My first few months of college ended with a lot of scars. I could have written this exact same thing, I swear I could. Stick it out. I promise you. Make friends. Believe in yourself. Trust me. No matter how hard it may seem now, soon it will be better. This is not diet advice. Work out. Do some yoga. Even if it doesn’t help you lose weight, you will feel better. Talk to your mom. Talk to the people you trust, even if they aren’t there. Let them help. As much as it hurts (and I know, it fucking hurts like a knife, and none of us know why) just hang in there. Don’t worry about anyone else, focus on you. That’s not selfish, that’s not dumb, its a good ass thing.
Hey I know what its like. I really do. My first few months of college ended with a lot of scars. I could have written this exact same thing, I swear I could. Stick it out. I promise you. Make friends. Believe in yourself. Trust me. No matter how hard it may seem now, soon it will be better. This is not diet advice. Work out. Do some yoga. Even if it doesn’t help you lose weight, you will feel better. Talk to your mom. Talk to the people you trust, even if they aren’t there. Let them help. As much as it hurts (and I know, it fucking hurts like a knife, and none of us know why) just hang in there. Don’t worry about anyone else, focus on you. That’s not selfish, that’s not dumb, its a good ass thing.
Hey I know what its like. I really do. My first few months of college ended with a lot of scars. I could have written this exact same thing, I swear I could. Stick it out. I promise you. Make friends. Believe in yourself. Trust me. No matter how hard it may seem now, soon it will be better. This is not diet advice. Work out. Do some yoga. Even if it doesn’t help you lose weight, you will feel better. Talk to your mom. Talk to the people you trust, even if they aren’t there. Let them help. As much as it hurts (and I know, it fucking hurts like a knife, and none of us know why) just hang in there. Don’t worry about anyone else, focus on you. That’s not selfish, that’s not dumb, its a good ass thing.