America/Missbehave’s Next Top Blogger: Round 4

Last episode we sent Neia packing her bags on the bus home. Now it’s time to get rid of someone else! REMEMBER when voting, You are voting someone OFF the island OUT of the house whateverz. You are voting for the person that SHOULD BE ELIMINATED. Check?

I (Sarah) am like the Tyra of this ish. This was their latest assignment:

Explain what the hell is going on in the photo below. Be funny. Be awesome. Bumble bees.

200 words

Photo and judgment after the jump

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Dinah

Susie was having a horrible day at work. The nine to five grind became pretty monotonous and her boss had the sardine-garlic breath combo. Worse yet, life began to turn sour when she realized that she was going to miss Anderson Cooper spouting greatness. Her calendar indicated the one-year anniversary of her boyfriend, Clemente, who got penis implants in a back alley deal. The metal in poor Susie’s skull mysteriously was attracted to Clemente’s enhanced manwurst made of magnets and mattress down. Worse yet, he ceremoniously dumped her at a Rocky Horror Picture Show event while dressed as a sweet transvestite.
The clock struck five. Unfortunately, the bus scheduled for her route flipped over in a freak accident. Subjected to walk home in the celibate woman’s walk of shame, Susie looked up and saw Clemente hanging off a wire; sex with the lady in his life got a little wild and Clemente was sent plummeting out his apartment window. Clemente was not spared from shame, because his penis, being a magnet, struck the wire and caused him to hang there. As the police pondered how to relieve the poor sap, Susie took a picture and walked home, starting life anew.

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Remeka

Okay, okay, okay. This wasn’t supposed to go down like this…where are my Levis? I was supposed to jump right in them once I crawled out the window. This is fucking bullshit. If I remembered that commercial correctly, the dude gets right into his Levis, and runs away. Now I am stuck on this cord, hoping this cop doesn’t see me. If I had a bigger penis this wouldn’t be happening. Simply for two reasons, I could’ve banged this cop and been out, or I would’ve had some support up here. My damn jeans gotta be down here somewhere…awww man. I think I tore the little mole on my left nut off. No, I think I just ripped my nut sack open. Ouch, this hurts…someone please help!!!!

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Robby

“A love quarrel gone horribly, horribly wrong”

~Janet knew her job in mid level financing would take her places. The tedious hours she spent in front of a computer were finally paying off as she moved to the corner office.

~~Finally she thought, Saturday and the only one in the office. Her dream of getting pounded by Jerry the part-time gymnast/full time secretary would come true.

~~~Jerry always felt that his nude acrobatic feats had always been undervalued. His trapeze swinging balls had ended many a relationship. Little did he know that John, his new boyfriend for the next 3-5 years (pending good behavior) would find his flexibility quite, Entertaining….

~~~~Brenda knew that it was gonna be a long day at the office..god…cops just aren’t paid enough.

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Shannon

This is totally like that time I was attempting to pick up some special biscotti (fortified with vitamins T, H and C) from that bakery where the sprinkles are more ayo for yayo than confectioners sugar, as the owner was getting his door kicked down by the Federales. I assume he was taking a shower (or maybe whipping up a fresh batch of baby gravy before starting his daily grind) ‘cuz then said dude did a full gainer outta the window sans clothes - I’m guessing he was hoping that those cat-like reflexes of his would kick in any second now - and he got tangled up outside on the telephone wire. As they say, cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Obvs, hilarity ensued.

While she was LOL’ing/reading Lil’ Tony Toca his rights, it occurred to ol’ girl that she should take advantage of the … situation as she got herself a Full Monty from the windowsill. Miss Piggy then referred her partner back to that tray of Black Velvet downstairs and in fewer words to kick. rocks.

I mean, who doesn’t need a good healthy boinkfest every now and again?

Yep.

This was just like that other time.

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Lisette

From The Onion’s cutting-room floor:

When Harry Dique, 28, learned that “rocking-out-with-your-cock-out” failed to qualify as an Olympic sport this summer, he went ballistic.

“You know, we wouldn’t be having this problem if the Olympics were being held in Bangkok,” Dique screamed. “I don’t get it, it’s not like everything in the Olympics isn’t phallic already. Handball, volleyball, baseball, basketball – plenty of balls! Polo, equestrian – men are hung like… you get the point! Let’s stop beating around the bush here, Olympics!”

Then as an act of protest, Dique removed his Simpsons-themed boxers, and jumped onto the poorly constructed clothesline outside the window of his mom’s second-floor apartment, where police aptly found him rocking out with his cock out.

“I know it looks like nothing now, small, even,” Dique said, demonstrating the sport as he swung from the wire clothesline. “Sure, it’s going to be hard, but it’s going to grow. And I promise you, by 2012, it will be huge!”

That’s what she said.