I don’t date
June 15th, 2008 by Sarah Morrison
I like sleeping alone. I like doing my thing. The “I don’t date” thing works really well for getting out of awkward boy situations. I have no interest in 99 percent of the boys who approach me. So it becomes my sort of get out of jail free card. I have a few boys that I am really close with and have been for years. They are all dateable. They would be my boyfriend in a hot second, if i just asked. I enjoy knowing that, sort of flirting with them, and hanging out with them when i feel so inclined. I sort of keep them around waiting for the day i grow out of this, the day I am ready to sleep in a bed next to someone every night. The day my ADD becomes under control and I am at least 90 percent sure I won’t cheat on them. The day has not yet come. Lately, I worry it won’t ever come.
A few months ago, I ended up in a cab with a boy I didn’t really know. I tried to introduce myself. He sort of hostilly nodded, “I know who you are. I am a friend of __________.” I tried to smile, because I knew what was coming. He said, “That boy loves you.” He laughed, “I have never seen that dude like this.” He added, “He said trying to get you to settle down would be harder than getting him to.” I didn’t know what to say. He looked at me before slamming the cab door and said, “He is my boy. Don’t break his heart.”
Like me, he never dates period. We joke about getting married someday, when we both “grow up.” In my list of boys that i could potentially date, he is first in line. When my friends try to intervene in this whole single girl forever thing, they always say just try it with ____________.
Then this week, that boy wrote me these dumb elusive vague texts about dating some Vietnamese pharmacist. This was a) some how supposed to impress me b) a passive aggressive way of saying I am taking myself out of the running to be Sarah Morrison’s next Top boyfriend or whatever. I responded to said text, “So last night i fucked an Ethiopian barber.” I was irritated by how ridiculous he sounded, how I was supposed to be impressed by this level of a catch. He sounded stupid and I informed him of this, even though i knew exactly what he was trying to do.
I sent him a list of medications I would like for free from the pharmacist. Then told him I was breaking up with him anyways. He laughed me off but said, “I love you Sarah, but I really care about this girl.”
I am mad at myself, not him. Like maybe if i grew the fuck up and could act my age, I wouldn’t be in this situation. I fucked this up. I did it to myself. I just had him on speed dial for the day I am ready. Thinking he would just wait for ever….
I don’t know anymore what makes me more scared the idea of having him and the chance of me fucking it up or the idea of losing him and never getting the chance to see if I might not fuck it up.
Can you guys please try to “life coach” me on this one?
I need help!
as someone who is EXACTLY the same way, i dont think you actually like him. you just like knowing hes out there- on retainer- just IN CASE you choose to tap that
no worries. Vietnam won’t last forever. and once shes out of the picture, you can go back to pretending you have no feelings for him and ignoring just how perfect for you he just might be
do you think its just his sudden unavailability thats making me emotional?
like i cant tell.
Every girl has a relationship like this. I had one once with the boy I bought weed from. Of course, we were great friends before the substance came into the scene, but after that I saw so much of him I figured out I really enjoyed having him around. But I didn’t push it further. He dropped hints ALLZ the time. I knew what they were and I didn’t respond, but I wanted to. I went home and imagined him with me, waking up to him, going into the kitchen half hungover and seeing him in his boxers rolling a joint and making a mojito (that was the kind of boy he was). I never went for it, because I didn’t want to mess things up. I knew I would. So I let him go. He found some other easy blond chicks to fuck and it sort of hurt, but I pretended it didn’t. I sounded nonchalant. He gave up on me. Maybe it’s like akapluto said, maybe you don’t like him. But all you can do is try. Sarah, you should have made this an Ask Missbehave. He won’t be there forever, at least his heart won’t be. Regret hurts more than failing, because at least you gave it a shot. At least that’s what I think.
And the fact that he’s unavailable now probably makes you emotional because of the reality that he won’t always be there. That’s how I felt.
totally erika. and MAYBE a teeny piece of you *wants* to be in a relationship and seeing him happy (whatever that means) is bringing all that up
btw: we sound like total girls right now and its making me uncomfortable
i’m in the opposite sitch, sarah, i am ready and am in love with this boy who i ended it with mutually a month ago ’cause our lives (and the fact that it’s not the right time blah blah fucking blah) got too complicated for us to have a relationship at the same time, but yeah, i want to be with him but it’s too difficult right now. i know this in my head, but my heart is blind, deaf, and dumb to this fact. fukk. don’t rush yourself sarah, remember what happened with Carrie in season 4, episode “change of a dress”, where she and Aidan broke up because she wasn’t ready to get married? Yeah, don’t do that to yourself. It’ll hurt more when you realize that you’re in it, but you’re not ready. You’ll get there, you just have to trust that it will happen. And because your safety net has dropped away, doesn’t mean that your time is up. You can’t be rushed, remember Carrie and Aidan.
wait so i do or do not like him?
I know, right? We sound like the Golden Girls. I’ll get the cheesecake.
Not all blonde chicks are easy. Usually it’s the fake blond ones who are really just brunettes in a cheap disguise, which is why i take offense to the dumb/whore blonde stereotype. I am a natural blonde and I am not easy or dumb. I don’t care who gets offended by this comment, just so long as I don’t let comments like that slide, though I can understand your hurt of his type of sexual preferance. Mine likes the Latinas and the dark skinned girls, so I guess we understand each other.
sarah, who knows/cares? youre hot and could prob find someone new if you tried. turn off the computer, make a martini, put on a tube top and strut your stuff
Sarah, you already know if you like him or not, we don’t need to tell you. But yes please on the cheesecake. I’ll be Ma. I’m a sarcastic bitch.
so shoud i put down the computer and call him? thats why i am asking you guys?
Oh @Jessica Fletcher: I guess it didn’t come out properly. It’s not that I think blond chicks are easy or anything, he just used to hang around alot of blond chicks that didn’t mind putting out and I didn’t appreesh how he just moved on to something easier than trying to get me. And yeah, you’re blond, I have brown skin, somehow we can be in a weird agreeance.
Oh Sarah, of course you should put down the computer. If only for your own good. Call him if you’re ready to, because lord knows how many times I’ve called up somone and then hung up at the last minute.
Today my dream guy smiled when he gave me my coffee and then patted the countertop in a really suggestive way. Does that me that he loves me?
@erikamarie, thanks, i know you didn’t mean it that way, i know easy chicks come in all shapes and sizes and colors and textures, i guess all cheapery aside, it comes down to how easy it is for a guy to get laid. he’ll pick the rotten fruit on the ground rather than climb the tree for the freshness like us. whatevs, its their loss when they’re picking worms outta their teeth. ha ha suckas.
Sally, go for it, girl!
I was the girl who didn’t date. I had 7439793 on backburner. Then I met this guy. My roommates chilled me the hell out and made me not back out of the situation. It turned out to be a great decision.
Then the situation turned on me and whoaaa Fletcher we were in the same situation as you. Both of us got way too busy for eachother, and it ended. I am still super super sad and would jump at the chance to get back together if he asked, even though it would be the same shit again.
So um yeah anyways, I think Sarah I don’t know what to say. If there was no Vietnamese chick I would say call him and just go for it it could be fun, but if he really likes this chick and you call him and are like hey lets date its quite possible he will say no.
But I would probably just call him because I am irrational like that.
this is not about sally and the starbucks dude.
i need help.
sally make your own blog.
i also want to give erika her own account. i think she has more to say than me….which i thought was nearly impossible.
yeah its prob a pretty bad idea to call him- just coz you’ll have to “compete” with the pharmacist. if you wait for their relationship to self-destruct, then you’ll be the only girl in the running (and then you can be the REBOUND chick- which is always a good look) that is, if they dont fall in love and get married.
life is short. just call him.
you’re probably upset because you can’t have him now.
if you would’ve ended up with him, you probably wouldnt have wanted him anymore.
i believe it’s called the annie hall syndrome.
thats a good analogy.
dude seriously i cant decipher irrational emotions vs normal ones right now.
Oh Sarah mothen might be right. I spent months chasing my current boyfriend but once I got him, I didn’t want him. I was way more interested in the chase. Don’t stress yourself out too much or you’ll get more irrational. I wish I could tell you what to do, but as you see, I can’t get my fucking act together either. I wanna say, “you’ll do the right thing,” but who knows, you might not. Just remember that you can’t take your words back and emotions aren’t things to be fucked with. Gawd, I wish I’d had this back when I was fucking up my relationships.
Four more days and 12 hours until my coffee crush has another shift. I’m sad.
oh wow i would say you definitely have feelings for him or you would not have reacted that way. trying to counteract his attempt at making you jealous with an ethiopian rendezvous!! also, i think you arent dating him because you are scared he would cheat on you cause you know he is similar to you in that he can’t settle down. (this also goes his way.. he wont date you cause hes scared of what you might do) he wanted to make you jealous and he was successful which stings.
ok so i totally agree with seastuffff here but i
also think you should give him a try. i think you
should try to start a relationship with him or
just date him. you are really lucky to have
someone interested in you enough to want to make
you jealous. i can’t even get anybody to ask me
the time of day except kids who ride the short bus
and senior citizens.
stop thinking and start acting! If you want him go for it, without inhibitions. If you’re second guessing yourself, take a few steps back. He’s definitely not leaving you for any other chick. We have to take risks when it comes to love, you can’t ever play the safe card. In the end it’s all worth going through each experience.
well what does he think about it all?
i think you may love him.
Sarah, maybe you just need a good dose of Purple Drank before you call. Then, if it works out, no harm done. But if it ends up being an awkward conversation that you later regret, you can just blame it on the sizzurp.
I’ll second the motion to give Erika her own account.
I sincerely hope you never stop writing, sarah.
I really think you should get it all out of your system and say something. If not, you’ll never know. To me, thats worse. I think you do like him and this scenario just brought it to the surface.
If you remain friends and he talks about Vietnam the whole time you’ll want to hang yourself from your shower rod. And you KNOW he’ll do that to see how you react again….
sally
you know you are upsetting me. ive turned off laughing till tomorrow. you know that and im about to turn you off FOREVER!
omg ok…ah.
i know he loves me.
i know i love him.
im just not sure im ready to do it…
this whole scenario just makes me panic
i dont want to date anyone, but this is like that moment where its like now or never or like “shake sarah and sober her up.”
now i have the vietnamese pharmacist?
i keep forgetting that part.
Sarah it’s ok to be really scared. The fact that you can say you love him is big. The first time I said I loved a guy I had to practice saying it in the car when he was asleep (we were on a road trip blah fucking blah this isn’t about me it’s about you). I doubt that Vietnamese pharm chick is gonna be the one to drive a wedge between you and this dude. This is on you. Stop imagining what could/should/would happen. It’s gonna psych you the fuck out. See how this relationship with the drugstore girl and your guy plays out. Women know when shit’s not right. I say take your chance when it comes. This could blow up in your face or be the best thing you’ve ever done, but everything happens for a reason. Just go for it.
take the plunge! or not….
but don’t be logical, let it be love
(i learned so much from the satc movie)
I’ve been this way with boys for a long time. For a years my “number one on the waiting list” guy and I would always talk about how we’d be great together, would randomly hook up between dating other people, but it never worked out because I told myself I had better things to do. Actually, I was just scared shitless of ruining what I had with him, which was an illusion. I would tell myself when I felt lonely that I would always have him, because I always had, and it made me feel better.
Then, one lovely spring day while lurking his myspace, I saw that he was ENGAGED. My heart just kinda stabbed itself. He knew the girl 3 months before he proposed, then married her 6 months after that. I sulked for a bit at first, but then his creeper ass thought it was okay to send me dirty text messages and call all the time to tell me he loved me and wanted to “be with me” one more time before he got married. He still does it to this day, and not only is it disgusting and kinda amusing, it made me realize that things worked out for the best. Would I want to be with a guy that will more than willingly try to cheat on me? FUCK NO.
I’m with my boyfriend now, whom I love, because I didn’t fall for that guy’s shit.
If you two are good for eachother, he’ll eventually come back around.
lillie, at the beginning i was like oh yay shes gonna help me solve my problem….
THEN it was like oh wait SHE JUST CRUSHED MY DREAMS
It seems like you miss the attention you used to get from him. Now, you aren’t solely his focus. Now, you can’t contact him whenever you want because, from here on out, he has some other girl before you on his priorities check list. And that worries you and now you feel rushed to make a decision.
I used to be in that situation and I still am.
You love him.
But you’re not IN love with him.
You’re just in love with the idea of how perfect it’d be to be with him.
If you really wanted him, you would have gone for him already.. Blaming the fact that you can’t see yourself in a relationship right now is not it, because when you wanna be with someone, you’re ready.
XTIANE has got it right on the nose! The feeling you are having is called false emotions. Sometimes you get scared that you are not doing the right thing and start second guessing yourself, however you are really just making up for the what ifs? If you wanted to be with him you would be with him ALREADY. I’m pretty sure the reason this is coming up is because he is seeing that veitnamese pharmacist. Maybe you should follow him and make sure he isn’t just using her as a pawn to lure you in???? Think about it guys know girls want what they can’t have and vice versa. If he isn’t seeing her you should hang out with him one on one and see if there is anything really there. But if she is in the picture have her hook you up with the pharmaceuticals!
i’ve seen it happen time and time again…we want what we can’t have. but that doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t actually want him. you just wanted to dip your toes in first, test the water, flirt it up, and still be able to do your thing for awhile longer. but now that he’s taken, suddenly shit’s changed and you don’t have on-demand access to him anymore. totally natural reaction to regret not having snatched him up when you had the chance, but realize that it’s just a knee-jerk and that in reality you handled the sitch exactly how you wanted to. you weren’t, and probably still aren’t ready for him. BUT perhaps this will be a turning point in your no boys streak…im sure the dood probably wanted and still wants your shit, so maybe this was just a attempt to get you jealous…mission accomplished. and when he gets bored with her talk of the latest allergy meds to hit the shelves and how her co-workers are always hogging the pill counting machines, hell come running back into your lanky bangled arms. just wait it out mamma, and try not to stress in the meantime. you should be enjoying the single life, ’cause after he ditches her you just might find yourself on his couch watching comedy central and drinking pbrs every night before having a quickie and passing out by 11.
this has been such a popular post. sarah, we are women and we always want what we can’t have. BUT it sounds to me like you’re finally realizing that you DO have feelings for this dude.. so get off your damn computer and call the guy.. and be straight up with him. don’t play games.. that never ends well.
screw the pharmacist. you two have more history anyyyway, obv.
Whatever.
I’m a complete cunt and I have totally done that
“oh i know you you are” dozens of times.
That shit makes anyone squirm with awkwardness.
Anyways,
I am the same way about the whole dating thing.
Because generally boys are a waste of time.
I like my fucking space.
But I met a boy that I had lots of stuff in common with.
He said he didn’t want to date me, he never wants to get married, have kids, and that he thought I was cool and just liked hanging out with me.
i was like fuck yeah awesome.
We aren’t in a relationship but we are.
But…we aren’t.
You weren’t in a relationship with him.
You can’t get mad that he found someone else.
If you really wanted to be with him and he really wanted to be with you then it would have happened.
I think the fact that he’s over it is what’s bothering you. But at the end of the day you come out on top.
asian pharmacist?
please. who cares.
The fact that I could become a crazy spinster cat lady is a little scary - but I’m sure I (and you and most girls) will figure it out.
neurotic girls are awesome.
it just takes the awesome boys a while to figure them out.
worse comes to worse we’ll be cougars.
date him!
Ok so you love him, but your sarah..and sarah just like is not in a real actual realtionship…it’s just part of your doing you-ness..but knowing he wants you is part of you too… and you like need to know he’s there..but pharmacists have the good shit and asians are so tiny and trendy…he will get over it and come back to you
Sarah, I’m sorry!!! I kinda got caught up in memories I tried to block out.
What I should have said was I think you should call him, if you haven’t already. He’ll know it’s because of him mentioning this pharmacist chick, but that’s ok — it was the catalyst you needed to realize that you care about him. If you really do not want to risk losing him and you feel like you’ve blown your chance, tell him that. Unless he’s as messed up as the guy I talked about, he will absolutely NOT take the plunge with the random Vietnamese girl.
The free drugs from her would be a plus, though.