America/Missbehave’s Next Top Blogger: Round 2

America/Missbehave’s Next Top Blogger: Round 2 is HERE!

Last episode we sent Micaela packing her bags on the bus home. Now it’s time to get rid of someone else! REMEMBER when voting, You are voting someone OFF the island OUT of the house whateverz. You are voting for the person that SHOULD BE ELIMINATED. Check?

I (Sarah) am like the Tyra of this ish. This was their latest assignment:

You and your friends are ready for a night out on the town. She arrives at your house, make-up done, ready to go in a pair of Uggs and a t-shirt that says “I’m a Samantha.” How do you handle the situation with out: ending your friendship, canceling the night out, or being seen with her in this horrendous fashion deal breaker?

200 words or LESS.

Judge away after the jump!

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Dinah

This type of stuff is usually resolved in the movies with a montage of teenage girls who give one frumpy girl a complete makeover. They pluck eyebrows, remove glasses, straighten hair and discuss American Idol. It’s nice and all, but we all look like the “Before” in a movie anyway. And we hate American Idol. The song, “Perfect Day” would be playing. That song always gets preps for an all-night booze-a-palooza that ends with your face on some dude’s stomach, smelling of booze and ass, and having a Heart song stuck in your head.

Anyway, bitches tell it like it is.

We are:

Thinking: “Wow, she looks like a 1998 Bat Mitzvah for a crystal meth addict.”

Saying: “Wow, you look bad. And not in an I’m-an-ironic-hipster way.”

We’d probably lend her a pair of stilettos, pumps, in the club and give her a “Slut” t-shirt like from Arrested Development. Things usually get better from there, or we let her go out like if she acknowledges liking her outfit. We’re desperate for booty; less competition helps.

But we’ll always be nice and there for her, because having caring friends is the only way to assure your life won’t be like the sucky parts of any Molly Ringwald movie.
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Remeka

It sucks when you have a girlfriend with no style. It’s like damn, why can’t I have four bad bitches on my team? The good thing is that millions of girls suffer from the badly dressed girlfriend symdrome(BDGS), and you are not alone. Diagnosis for this problem can be a pain, especially if your friend is sensitive. So I have made a list of ways to go about the whole situation. Wanna hear it? Here it go!

Be Blunt.

I mean, I am a scorpio. My solution to everything is a smart mouth. I would just ask her in a sarcastic, jokey manner, “How in the hell are you a Samantha, when one of our other girlfriends, is the hoe of the group?” See how I distracted the attention away from her to someone else, while still making her aware of her tacky shirt?

Get more attention.

8 times outta 10, she may be the cute one of the group. Great! God didn’t bless us all with everything. Just let her roll out looking like a hot ass mess. No sweat. All eyes will be on you and the others…I mean everyone can’t be perfect. Give the others girls the spotlight. I have now just got rid of any guilt I had for her walking out the house looking stupid.

Be a good friend.

Damn, so I had to resort to the positive. Fuck. Okay, so if you are like me, and you own useless pieces of clothing, you can always give her something else to wear. Most of my girlfriends wear the same shoe size as I do, so throw her a pair of platform sandals, and that summer frock that makes you look pregnant but fits her…and get to going. They are about to start charging $30 for cover after 11pm, and you don’t want to blog about the broke girlfriend syndrome.
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Neia

If my homegirl was about to shame my good party-like-a-rockstar name and tres-fabulousity reputation by repping an “I am a Samantha” t-shirt with Uggs for a night out on the town, I would tell her that so am I, but I keep that information stamped across my panties…where it should be if she truly is a Samantha anyway. Then I’d glance around to find her something else to wear that could represent her potential for self empowered whoredom less blatantly. Maybe something that shows cleavage, has ass hanging out, and clear stripper heels. Like me.
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Robby

~First off I HOPE and PRAY TO GOD that this is a hypothetical situation cause I feel bad for the girl who thinks its ok to go clubbing or anything in..ugh…UGGS!~

Anyhow first off I’d probably compliment her on her (not even close to) fabulous t-shirt. I’m not even going to remind her that Samantha wouldn’t be caught dead, or even worse in public, wearing fuggs.

I’d probably tell her that the club we’re going to has an intense dress policy while groaning about how much I hate it too. Then casually remind her how sexy she looks in those skinny jeans she left at my house after the “sprinkler” incident. After that its easy enough just picking out different tops for her to wear.

Too easy, how many times has one of YOUR friends shown up in some new outfit that makes her look like a broke bitch? It’s practically under my job description as gaybestfriend to tell her no, when the lady at the counter told her yes.
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Shannon

Real talk, we’ve all been here before. It’s a fine line to walk, cuz Lord knows we all have our ugly days. You know, the days when your outfit’s on, hair and make-up did, and you still look in the mirror and hope it catches a brick. You’re fortunate if your crew is down enough to be like “Ooooh, girl,” (like the Luster’s commercial) and march your ass back to the closet.

I, however, am not that forward, so this is when you break out the little white lie. Invoke the name of your most hated foe and run with it, like “Yo, I saw [insert the regular bitch’s name here] at [super cool place everyone goes to] last week, wearing that exact same shirt.” Girl will be so disgusted she’ll ask for a change of clothes, and you, like the good friend you are, will happily oblige. Now mention the last time you went out and your friend puked all over the place. Then mention that you heard Uggs stain. Then mention that you have some Choos (or Xhilarations, potato, po-tA-toe, whatevs) in her size. She’ll ditch the whole mess, and ya’ll can proceed to let the neck snapping begin.
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Miss Gab

To be honest, it really wouldn’t matter what my friends wore out as long as we had fun and met a ton of boys. Sorry.
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Lisette

Real friends don’t let friends wear sorostitute footwear or heinous, “witty” t-shirts sold at stores like DEB. That said, real friends don’t totally bitch friends out for their lapse in fashion judgment, either. Yeah, its best to refrain from phrases like, “Oh, you’re not wearing that, are you?”

The best thing to do is offer your girl some things from your own closet to spruce up her outfit. First, start with the shoes: offer her some killer hot pumps to instantly glam up her look and distract from the rest of the travesty.

You could also let her borrow another shirt, but that might be pushing it. Instead, let her dig through your necklaces and suggest she snag the one with the huge pendant on it to cover up “I’m a Samantha” to the point where it only reads, “I’m … tha” (yeah, the more illegible, the better).

Now, “hide” those Uggs in the garbage can, and bump into her while you’re dancing later on so she’ll spill her drink on her t-shirt (subsequently staining it), thus preventing her from wearing it again. Remember ladies: life is too short to wear a bad outfit, and when in doubt, accessorize.